For Marina Lacerda, the upcoming publication of U.S. government files on Jeffrey Epstein represents more than an opportunity for justice: Lacerda says she was just 14 when Epstein started sexually abusing her at his New York mansion, but she struggles to recall much of what happened because it is such a dark period in her life.
Now, she’s hoping that the files will reveal more about the trauma that distorted so much of her adolescence.
“I feel that the government and the FBI knows more than I do, and that scares me, because it’s my life, it’s my past,” she told The Associated Press.
President Donald Trump signed legislation that will force the Justice Department to release documents from its voluminous files on Epstein.
“We have waited long enough. We’ve fought long enough,” Lacerda said.
It isn’t clear yet how much new information will be in the files, gathered over two decades of investigations into Epstein’s alleged sexual abuse of many girls and women.
Some of his accusers expect the files to provide a level of transparency they had hardly allowed themselves to believe would materialize, but the release of the documents will be a more complicated moment for others.
Two federal investigations cut short
The FBI and police in Palm Beach, Florida, began investigating Epstein in the mid-2000s after several underage girls said he had paid them for sex acts. He pleaded guilty in 2008 to charges including procuring a minor for prostitution, yet a secret deal with the U.S. attorney in Florida allowed him to avoid a federal prosecution. He served little more than a year in custody.
Jena-Lisa Jones, another accuser, says she was abused by Epstein when she was 14. Although she did not report the abuse at the time, she later became one of many accusers to sue him.
The Miami Herald’s 2018 investigation unveiled details about how the federal prosecution was shelved, leading to renewed interest from federal prosecutors who ultimately charged Epstein with sex-trafficking.
Jones had prepared to testify in court against Epstein but didn’t get her day. Epstein committed suicide in jail in August 2019.
In lieu of court testimony, many survivors now turn their hope towards the transparency these upcoming documents might provide.
Though only Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell were charged in relation to the allegations of abuse, there are claims that others were involved. Jones believes the documents might reveal a broader “scheme” at play.
“I’m hoping they’re shaking a little bit and that they have what’s coming for them,” Jones said.
Filling in the gaps
Lacerda, now 37, wishes to understand her own experiences better, marred by the pain she endured as a child.
As a Brazilian immigrant, Lacerda began working multiple jobs before being introduced to Epstein, believing it to be an easy way to make money.
She recollects her first massage session with Epstein led to sexual abuse that persisted for years. Now, not just clarity about her experience is sought, but also fears linger over what the files may contain, including potential evidence of her abuse.
“I need to know — for my healing process — what I did as a child,” she explained.
What’s the catch?
The anticipation around the file release has shifted Lacerda's newfound hope to fear and skepticism about the government’s motives.
“In the heat of the moment, we were like, ‘wow, this is like, everything that we’ve been fighting for,’” she reflected, worried if the documents would have been manipulated to shield those entwined with Epstein.
Haley Robson, another Epstein survivor, feels similarly and expressed that the political shifts surrounding the files created anxiety analogous to her trauma from past abuse.
Robson, now a leading voice advocating for legislative transparency, still manages to find a silver lining in the release, stating, “This is the first time since 2006 where I don’t feel like the underdog.”
